I Need to Make a Change

Change I must

Man can learn, unlearn or relearn to the point of his own death. There is always more to be discovered. Change is the end result of all true learning. Change involves three stages, or elements. First, is dissatisfaction with the self. Usually a void or need that needs fulfilling. Second,  a decision to change. To fill the void or need with something meaning full or important to the man. Third, a conscious dedication to the process of growth, and a willful act of making the change. You know, doing something to effect that change.

I need to change, I was heading for a dark place. Always seeing the negative in every situation or happening and wanting to bring it to the light. In my day-to-day living I found it difficult to share, to understand, and relate with others. Constantly finding reasons for my unhappiness in those around me and my external environment. Finding out that most people would rather live in their make-believe world then the one that’s present here and now. I had to come to realize that it’s OK for them to pretend that everything is good and well with the world. They were the lucky ones, they didn’t know the truth, if they did, then they didn’t care, about the darkness and ugliness that was going on all around them. Hopefully, hoping they would not be effected by this negativity and ugliness that prevails and could go on living in their blissful ignorance right up to the moment of their death. I had come to realize that I was dissatisfied with their level of awareness about the world in which we all live and was trying to enlighten them or awake them up. Who the hell did I think I was and why was that my job? I needed to change. I had to fill myself with something meaningful and move towards the light were everything is illuminated and my body and mind casts no shadows. I have to quit worrying about whether the other person is awake or aware and let them live in the reality that they have created in their own mind.

I ask for your forgiveness!

Here is a list of changes I wish to make for myself in hopes of changing my view of this reality. This list will be forever growing as I move in the direction of change, on the path of understanding myself living in love:

Trust that I am capable of this change. That I can see the good in every situation. I don’t want to live in a fairy tale world, because that wouldn’t be the truth. I can only move towards change when I willfully arrive at the proposal to change. Try to see the good and light in everything and everybody. Let the darkness be.

Express love in someway to one person I engage during the day, everyday. If I am dissatisfied with my ability to live in love, than I must except this fact, but be convinced that I am able to do something about it. Knowing that I am capable of love and making the decision to love. Engage in a random act of kindness to someone in need. One only becomes real at the point of action.

It’s been said that love is its own reward. If this means that in being a loving human being, I will get all the reinforcement that I need, I must realize this is only partially true. I am human and often less than perfect. I love because I must, because I will it. I love for myself , not for others. I love for the joy it brings me and the joy it gives to others, I will to love and my potential to love is infinite. I can only learn to love as an active participant in love.

I must come to realize that just because the message sent may never be received, doesn’t mean the message is not worth sending! Loving is never easy. There are many barriers to growing in love. If I analyze the barriers carefully and intently, I will discover that they are all artificial barriers, mostly of my own making. They do not exist. A man learns evil in the same manner in which he learns good. If I believe in a world of evil, it will respond with evil. If on the other hand, I believe in a world of love, I will remain confident, trusting, vulnerable and hopeful in love. Eliminating all barriers to my growing in love and changing my view of reality or cognizant system.

My lesson learned: Man has no choice but to love. For when he doesn’t, he finds his alternatives lie in loneliness, destruction and despair. The message has been sent.

So, I have decided not to attempt to wake anybody up or enlighten them. They must decide that for themselves. I wish you all happiness, joy and love in your own view of reality. A freeman is still free even in his darkest prison.

CJC

 

We are one, you and I
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