Well Excuse me, New Study Reveals
New Study Reveals Why Pilots’ Farts Can Be Dangerous…but passengers’ are fine
By Matt Cantor, Newser Staff
Posted Feb 15, 2013 8:10 AM CST
(Newser) – Need to pass gas on a plane? No worries—assuming you’re a passenger, says an oddball new study. In fact, researchers encourage you to go right ahead: Pressure changes associated with flying do indeed make us more gassy, and holding it means potential indigestion and heartburn, AFP reports. If you’re a pilot, however, you might want to think twice about letting one go. The “co-pilot may be affected by its odor, which … reduces safety on board the flight,” the authors—five European gastroenterologists—say.
But it’s a bit of a conundrum, since holding it in could result in the aforementioned unpleasant effects for the pilot. The study, published in the New Zealand Medical Journal, weighed in on other flatulence-related topics: It found, for instance, that women’s farts are smellier than men’s, and that sulfur is at the root of the bad smell. Researchers also discovered a hidden benefit to sitting in economy class: The textile seat covers absorb up to half a fart’s smell; first-class leather seats offer no such advantage.
New Study Reveals No Worries!
Ever wonder who paid for such a study? Well regardless, We now have this new Study that reveals not to worry. And that cloth seat are better than leather. Unless one is studying the reverberation factor of sound and vibrational energies.
No worries we can all let lose if were passengers. Except the pilot he has to wear new apparatus that filters and changes the chemical composition. Until their seats can all be outfitted with this new toot safe material. Maybe a new study is needed by Monsanto to eliminate farts from food. So we can eat safely.
This Doowan was wondering if there is going to be a check now at the gates for passengers with gas. It appears we are all carrying a deadly weapon and didn’t know it. Should the T.S.A. now offer Beano or Gas-X to all passengers and pilots? This could prevent a potential fire hazard on airliners, trains and aboard cruise ships.
The Blue Flame Club would endorse such a practice. We members have known about the explosive nature of is seemly benign practice for years. We have studied this in-depth, and know that’s farts and a match can have dangerous results. Many a pants have been set on fire and caused serious damage to new members, because of an improper practice in discharge execution of membership rights of passage. We now have fire extinguishers at every meeting.
This new study reveals the dangers inherent of letting one lose next to an open flame or enclosed area. It’s also reveals that not only is there a fire hazard but that they are the sharpest things ever discovered. They can go through clothing without cutting a thread. So be careful. Soon the president will sign legislation that will consider farts to be a weapon of gas destruction. Thus, making the world a much safer place in which to breathe and live.
New Study Reveals the Chemical Makeup of farts
The exact chemical composition of human flatulence varies from one person to another, based on his or her biochemistry, the bacteria inhabiting the colon and the foods that were eaten. If the gas results from ingesting air, the chemical composition will approximate that of air. If the fart arises from digestion or bacterial production, the chemistry may be more exotic. Farts consist primarily of nitrogen, the principal gas in air, along with a significant amount of carbon dioxide. A typical breakdown of the chemical composition of farts is:
Hydrogen: 0-50% (flammable)
Carbon dioxide: 10-30%
Methane: 0-10% (flammable)
As the reader can plainly see there are two dangerous and potentially explosive gases that are released. To put another way we are a walking bomb.
A chemical equation is a symbolic representation of a chemical reaction. Atomic symbols are used to represent the elements that take part in a reaction. Numbers are used to represent the ratios of reactants and products to produce the reaction and arrows point the direction a reaction occurs where the arrow points from reactants to products.
For example, using for the above chemical reactions:
- 2 H2(g) + O2(g) → 2 H2O(ℓ)This chemical equation reads: Two hydrogen gas molecules and one oxygen gas molecule produce two molecules of water.
- NaCl(s) + H2O → Na+(aq) + Cl–(aq)One molecule of sodium chloride dissociates in water into one sodium ion and one chlorine ion.
- CH4 + 2 O2 → CO2 + 2 H2O (&DeltaH = -891 kJ/mol)This equation shows one methane molecule and two oxygen gas molecules form a carbon dioxide molecule, two water molecules and release 891 kilojoules of heat.
This could potential cause temporary blindness in pilots, at the very least watery eyes. Along with fits of laughter causing an airliner to crash on takeoff or landing. This is not good, We have to do something about this danger and right away! Could this be a new free energy source?
New Study Reveals The Smell of Farts
Flatus often stinks! There are several chemicals that contribute to the smell of farts:
- skatole (by-product of meat digestion)
- indole (by-product of meat digestion)
- methanethiol (a sulfur compound)
- dimethyl sulfide (a sulfur compound)
- hydrogen sulfide (rotten egg odor, flammable)
- volatile amines
- short chain fatty acids
- feces (if present in the rectum)
The chemical composition and thus odor of farts differs according to your health and diet, so one would expect a vegetarian’s farts to smell different from those produced by a person who eats meat. New Study reveals this is not the case. Vegetarians have a greater potential for eating beans to supplement their protein needs therefore are considered to be, to a greater degree more deadly. Therefore when encountering a vegetarian one should always stay up wind, and avoid approaching from the rear.
According to the Thesaurus, there are very few words or terms to describe the “fart.” Why doesn’t our culture have more than a paltry handful of words for the natural consequence of consuming beans, the magical fruit? Flatulence is a natural biological function. It’s not juvenile to discuss or make light of something that is such a common part of the human condition. In fact, anthropologists have concluded that “pull my finger” is the oldest joke known to man. We need more ways to express this important common denominator of our shared existence.
Farts are like snowflakes, beautiful, noisy, noxious snowflakes each one unique and deserving of its own namesake. In an effort to broaden the English language, we present 15 dumb names for different kinds of farts. Which this New study reveals.
1. The “Stink Ninja”
2. The “Squirrel”
3. The “Accidental Lava Flow” Also known as “Lose Booty”
4. The “Frog Carpet”
5. The “Smog of Doom”
6. The “Sloppy Trombone”
7. The “Princess Squeak”
8. The “Chasing the Dragon”
9. The “Air Horn”
10. The “Angry Walrus”
11. The “Kung Pao Flamethrower”
12. The “Blowing Kisses”
13. The “Fresh Roses”
14. The “Silent but Deadly”
15. The “Valley of the Dolls”
We aren’t pulling your finger or passing the buck on this New Study. Nor, are we saying:
- He who cut the cheese is pleased.
- He who observed it served it.
- He who detected it ejected it.
- Whoever rhymed it chimed it.
- Whoever spoke last set off the blast.
- Whoever smelt it dealt it.
- Whoever denied it supplied it.
- The one who speaks is the one who reeks.
- The smeller is the feller.
- He who inculpated promulgated.
- The one who said the verse just made the atmosphere worse.
- Whoever pokes fun is the smoking gun.
- He who accuses blew the fuses.
- Whoever said the rhyme did the crime.
- He who refuted it tooted it.
- He who pointed the finger pulled the finger.
- He who articulated it particulates it.
- He who deduced it produced it.
- She who sniffed it biffed it
farting parting we would like to leave the reader with these points of wisdom.
A fart is just a turd beeping for the right of way! He who farts in church sits in his own pew. A fart gives two people something NOT to talk about! Always have a fire extinguisher handy. Don’t stand next to an open flame, and be safe when flying. Always have a clean change of cloths close by. Never admit or deny anything! Toot your own horn so we know you’re there.
We hope at least you crack a smile. Don’t shoot the messenger. We are just reporting the News as we find it.