Souls for Sale wrote the Book on Religions
See listing on Souls for Sale Channel # 666 on your TV dial.
Are you tired and wore out… Thinking of selling your soul? Then you have come to the right place. Souls for Sale can sell your soul to a supreme being of your choice through Soul Sellers Inc. One of our holy owned subsidiaries. Many supreme beings to choose from.
Sign up today at Souls for Sale and get a free Snickers chunky so you can sleep through the year and not pay for all the Christmass crap our future demons just had to have to make them happy! To find out more about selling your soul and getting that nice Snickers chunky read on…
Souls for Sale
Running out of cash to fuel your lavish lifestyle? Then this is the package for you! Souls for Sale can get you the cash you need today! You can pick up your cash as soon as you sign on the dotted line and we put those digital numbers into that digital bank account.
Note: Read carefully before signing any contract as full disclosure will not be given. However, with your second grade reading level it might be difficult to read a legal document, sow just take my word for it that everything is legal, or contact your attorney and take their word.
All sales are final.
What the sperm banks not paying what they once did? No spare organs left to donate to gay homeless people? Not yet desperate enough to get a job? Of course to get that job you have to sell your soul to our dead entity called The Souls for Sale Corporation. As an added bonus you must pay taxes on the capital gains your labor has provided, just sign and mail IRS form # 999 with your signed check and we won’t extort your family, throw them out on the street, and take everything you think you own.
Truth is, the soul reaping industry has traditionally placed a high value on customer service and satisfaction along with attention to detail. However these days that isn’t the case. Young humans were once put through years of training before being allowed to dedicate decades of their UnLife to the corruption of a single man.
Now a days, the young Humans/Demons are working to pay off their Demon loans for their higher eight grade Education. That’s OK we have a solution for those Demon loans… Sell your Soul to Souls for Sale Inc., and we will pay off those student loans for you. After all we gave them to you and it didn’t cost us a thing.
At Souls for Sale our customers should expect to receive a lifetime of small incentives to commit evil deeds, or go along with the status quo to compensate for the loss of their soul, while the deity in charge of them could expect to receive the highest quality of Demon souls for his/her efforts.
After all Capitalism makes the world go round…. Right?
Souls for Sale in the Future
However, with the development of advanced technologically soul harvesting equipment and continuous war has changed the face of the industry. B-1 Bombers and Weapons of Mass Destruction has triggered a movement towards mass production and lower quality. While this has led to higher yields and wider availability of souls from innocent working class backgrounds, old people complained that this large-scale approach is taking the soul out of the industry, resulting in the loss of a focal point for demonic community Unlife.
This is probably because those old people have nothing better to do. Fuck those old people they had their fun!
In the past, it has been known that people who have sold their soul to Souls for Sale have regretted their act of charity and decided that the temporary benefit earned is probably not worth an eternity of unimaginable regret. Don’t feel bad, we have all at some point sold our soul to get what we thought we needed at the time. Don’t worry be happy is Souls for Sales motto!
At Souls for Sale we want to do the right thing sow we have an escape clause built in to the contract. Just read that really small almost microscopic text. Oh that’s right you can’t read. Don’t worry trust me!
The question is? Do you what your soul back? I mean really… what has it done for you! How has your soul served you thus far? Have you done anything of value with your soul?
At Souls for Sale it may cost you more than what you sold it for. There’s interest to pay. However you will own your soul again. Just sell your children’s soul to us at birth. It’s really every simple. We take care of all the paper work for you.
With Souls for Sale it is not impossible for the customer in this situation to buy back their souls, although it is very difficult since the only thing most humans possess of any value to a supreme evil deity is their soul. The human therefore needs to get back their soul first, which they can only do by selling their children’s soul. Which they no longer have.
What a paradox? At Souls for Sale we have thought of everything sow you don’t have too! Think that is…
A more popular and politically correct way of retrieving one’s soul is by the sacrifice of the numerous….. not-all-that-bad-really, the Earth is over populated anyway. The evil entity once demanded innocents, (you know, virgins and babies), but found this to be a rather unrealistic expectation among humans. They found the word sacrifice to be rather distasteful after that Dam-ASS-Kiss Christ.
Sow Souls for Sale reinvented the wheel and made it a cube. Thus offering the new and improved version, or the most popular way to achieve this sacrifice, (without being considered a twisted homicidal freak thus imprisoned or killed), appears to be to start a war with an innocent third world country. Only then are you considered a righteous fighter for peace and freedom saving the world through war twisted homicidal maniac and re-elected.
Be sure to Vote!
The only known example of the first method being worked successfully (selling your soul for profit) was carried out by a Lord Voldemort, who is believed to have sold his soul to the devil on numerous occasions and then bought it back with a smaller part of the same soul. However, he will soon be hunted down and nailed to a tree by his feet, before being disembowel and having his limbs removed one by one with a wooden spoon. This will be excruciating. Which just goes to show that not paying your bills and messing with the devil does Always End In Tears.
Hence Souls for Sale offers a payment plan to meet any budget. No money, no problem. No credit, no problem. No life, no problem. No woman, no problem. Souls for Sale will buy your soul and take care of all your problems. No Soul, we have a problem.
In fact, the easiest way of retrieving your soul, unbeknownst to many despite the popular high class drama in which this is well documented, is the sale of one hundred and one dalmatian puppies. Another way is being kissed by a prince. Oh wait he’s dead, Nevermind!
Ironically, anyone who is successful in buying back their soul from Souls for Sale is almost certain to go to hell for depriving said devil of his tremendous joy. You don’t want to do that do you?…… So basically, you’re damned whether you do or you don’t. Did we mention the paradox?
Sow why not sell your soul through Souls for Sale and make your brief time on earth that much better for you and your family. You only get one go around. Might as well make the best of it and get what you got coming. After all you deserve everything you get!!!!!!!!
Remember: Tiredness Kills, sow take a break, have a Snickers chunky on us! Enjoy life!
While we are at it shall we auction the Earth off to the highest bidder at the same time? Seems she is old and tired. She just doesn’t have enough gold, oil, or diamonds for everyone. Plus all those bugs, plants, and animals that need care. Not to mention the billions of people. Her waters bad. The oceans are polluted, the land has been clear cut, and the air is barely breathable. However the seller is motivated and willing to throw in the moon as an added bonus. Bidding starts with your Soul. Contact NASA for an application. Sign on the dotted line and we will send your Soul card in the mail. Call the toll free line to activate your card and we will send someone right out to collect your soul. No fuss, no muss.
Hey wait a minute the earth has already been sold to the highest bidder. Check availability.
Souls for Sale where you can have life as a dead person/citizen. Just check our graveyards for reviews from all our happy customers. Souls for Sale will even throw in a tombstone with your name engraved in all CAPITAL letters just like your Driver License/I.D. and Birth Certificate, sow the passers by can admire the view and know you Sold your soul. Plus, it just looks really cool. But you must act today!!! Offer is Limited because space is limited.
It’s OK everyone is doing it. You want to be just like everyone else don’t you? Don’t rock the boat. In fact we already own you so what have you got to lose?
What your Soul……? What do you care you aint using it… Call Today and we will throw in an extended care in a convalescent hospital absolutely free!
Sow call Today!!!!!!